12

In 12 days we will be on a plane to China.

This little man is on. my. mind.

Trying to somehow balance the normal routines and emotions that we are still experiencing daily here along with the crazy hard emotions that come when I think of my little man and the trauma and significant life change that is about overwhelm him.

Just like the two sides of a coin, there are two sides to every adoption. 

 There is the happy, extremely exciting, full of joy, deep peace, amazing love side that Marc and I are feeling.  And then there is the really hard ugly side that Levi's birth mom experienced 33 months ago (and no doubt still experiences), that Levi's loving foster family I am sure is feeling now and will soon experience more as deep grief and loss as they send him an ocean away to extreme unknowns and uncertainties, and then ofcourse the hard trauma that sweet little boy will deal with as he has to adjust to his 4th living situation in less than 3 years of life.  Hard and ugly, there is no other way to see that side of the coin.

I am just so sad for him.  I definitely feel like God is allowing me to go through some good sympathetic grieving for him now.  Perhaps because I will have to be strong and help him through this when we are finally together.  I am aware.  The grieving could be life long.  It could be really really really hard and ugly.

But.

Then I look at this face.  

This little rascal sticking his tongue out who God created and is placing in our family.  

How can I not smile big through the tears at how amazing God is to give me the privilege of calling this sweet boy my son.  No matter how hard and ugly, the beauty of the other side of the coin will always be there....because that side is from God.  It is just one side of the coin.  But it is the side that will pull us and Levi through.  God WILL BE victorious.

With God, it will all be okay.  

We'll still, and always, have to deal with both sides of the coin, but God will help us.  

And with God, we will be okay.

 

12 days till the adventure begins.

And God knew I was going to need these 12 days to grieve and deal with my own emotions.

God is so so so good.

look at His word that He gave me tonight:

"Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!"

Isaiah 43:18-19

OH PRAISE HIM for the new thing that He is about to do!

We're coming, Levi, we're coming!

12 days.

To God be all glory.