waiting on the Lord.

People have said to us, "I never knew you had a heart for Africa."
And I have said to them, "We really don't.  But what we do have a deep love and heart for is God.....and He has commanded us to serve Him by loving on the 'least of these' ...everywhere....anywhere....wherever He leads."

In June, an opportunity to go to Africa came up.  It came up in a big way and after a wild ride of seeking the Lord for direction, we felt total peace and unity that He was leading us to go.  We switched into HIGH gear and began to prepare to shut down our lives here for 2 years....no small task.

Last week, my peace that I had had about going vanished.  A couple issues came up (specifics of which I am not going to share at this time) that we both felt needed to be prayed over and researched.  God's lead had been clear, and now it is not.  These issues that have come up....are they from the enemy who is trying to discourage us from going....or are they from the Lord as He is shutting the door?  I do not know.  Are we going to Africa?  I do not know.

A friend's facebook status today was "I wish I knew what God's plan is."  Hmmmm.....I bet so many of my friends could relate to feeling that way, me included.  I will admit that this being in "limbo" feeling has not been easy.  I am a PLANNER.  I want to move forward and PLAN my life starting in the Fall.  After all, planning for life in Africa is MUCH different then planning for life in America....isn't it?  Or is it?  I have been wondering what God is doing...what He is up to.  I have NO DOUBT that He is at work and that He will clearly lead us in His time.  But what the heck is He doing now?  What is the lesson that I am suppose to be learning from this?  Can you sense the wrestling in my soul????  Oh baby.  Poor Marc is so solid right now and yet he has a wife who is wrestling....struggling.  So, where I am at right now is this....I think my great great God is saying, "Jennifer, chill out.  I don't want you to plan for anything except to grow in Me, trust in Me, rely on Me, cling to Me.  And once you do then you will find your rest in ME (verses your own plans) and then in my PERFECT time I will put you wherever you are suppose to be."  He has also been saying to me, "your job is to be my servant and worship me and tell others about me and serve others WHEREVER you are.  Don't worry about WHERE you are.  You are right where I want you.  I will put you somewhere else if/when it is time."

They say that living a life surrendered to God isn't going to be easy.  I know He is trying to refine me....ugh....the reality is that that process is hard for a sinful girl like myself that would like to barge ahead and lead. 

The hard lesson that I learned in the adoption process is coming back to mind:   Wait on the Lord, He will never disappoint.  He is so good and His plan is so perfect.  Look only to Him.

Well my friends, that's the scoop.  I hope that you are having a wonderful summer soaking up God's word and living by the power of the Spirit....even when it is hard!

"All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor,

the very thing I was eager to do."

Galatians 2:10

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Psalm 121:1

our stuff.

It was late this Spring when Marc dropped the bomb on me.
He called from work. 
"I'm ready." he simply said.
"Ready for what?"
"Ready to go." he said.
"Go where?"
"Ready to go.  Wherever God wants us to go.  Anywhere.  It's time to go."

We had talked about doing overseas mission work together since before we were married.  We had a heart to serve and we had medical skills....early on we felt God's call to use both of those together...for Him.  Then we had kids.  How in the world do we go overseas WITH KIDS we wondered????  Time went by and although our love for the Lord did grow, so did our routines/habits looking more and more like the world's.  But then 2010 happened.  The year that I will always remember by the Lord GRABBING our hearts individually and yet TOGETHER at the same time.  He told us that it was time to let go of our American comforts and no longer live by the world's standard's but by His alone.  We knew we had some serious changes to make...both in our hearts and in many outward things.

But it wasn't until Marc told me that he thought God wanted us to go....go somewhere, that I really started to look at my HOME differently.  If we were really going to "GO" then I would have to get rid of a BUNCH of stuff.  At first all I saw was STUFF!  STUFF everywhere!  This is ridiculous, I thought....I have soooooooo much stuff and yet so many people don't even have a glass of clean water to drink.  Ridiculous.  I must get rid of it and give every penny to God's precious children around the world that have nothing.  And then the tables turned and I started looking at my stuff differently.  Wow, I thought....look how much nice stuff I have collected over the years, it's beautiful, and each piece means so much to me, how can I live happily without it.  Oh, I will miss it.  Oh, I don't want to give it away.  Oh, it's not really THAT big of deal...is it?  All of the sudden I saw my home as a mansion full of treasures.  I love my home.  I saw my home as MY space.  A very comfortable space.  I grieved the mere thought of having to get rid of my stuff.

And then God spoke to me.

James 5

Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you.  Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes.  Your gold and silver are corroded.  Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire.  You have hoarded wealth in the last days.....You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence.

Ack!  Such strong words I thought.  Glad I am not the "Rich Oppressor" that the NIV labels that passage as.  Uh...but wait...I am theoretically, or actually, in the top 5% of the richest people in the world.  Isn't that what the statistics say about most of us middle-class Americans?  Um....could this passage on the "rich" apply to ME????  Do I have gold and silver that will corrode and be brought before me on Judgement Day?  I know what my friends would say about me....I am NOT rich.  I know what most of the rest of the world would say....I AM rich.  Um....God, what would YOU say?

And so this week, as we begin to prepare to leave for Africa, we have been looking at our stuff a little differently and asking God what HE wants us to keep and what He wants us to get rid of.  It hasn't been easy.

Africa

“You will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Acts 1:8

“We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands.”

I John 2:3

God has called our family to go to Africa for two years.

We will leave in September.

We will be working at a center in Kenya that ministers to the vulnerable women and children from a nearby slum. The Center consists of a small orphanage, home for pregnant young women, vocational training, and an all day pre-school type program. The work load and job is way too much for Marc and I to handle alone. This is yet another indicator of why God has called us to this position. He knows that without Him we cannot do it. Ah, to Him be the glory. We are going in His strength alone and we cannot wait to live a life in total dependence upon Him. (you may need to remind me that I said that.)

As for right now we are beginning to make preparations to leave the country for two years, which is no small task. God has been faithful to remind me that this is His deal and I am just along for the ride. He has all things in His control. I have my moments of freak-out but then I hear His sweet strong voice calling me to trust and live by faith alone.

As for the last few weeks, my life verse is Galatians 2:20. God brings it to my mind almost hourly and it means more to me then ever before. "For I am crucified to Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. And the life that I now live, in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loves me and gave himself for me."  It's one thing to say it....it's a whole other thing to live it.  Hard....and good.  so good.

The Great Adventure of living in relationship with God continues......