the end of an era.....

I know the title is a bit dramatic but that is kinda how it's feeling right now.  Today I did a big thing.  I turned in my letter of resignation to my job.  This is a big deal for a girl who has basically only had ONE job.  I graduated from nursing school 13 years ago and started at the hospital 2 months later.  I have been an employee there ever since.  I worked for two years in Pediatrics and then almost eleven years in the Operating Room. 

I can come up with a handful of tangible reasons why now is the time to say my good-byes to the hospital, but the real reason is that I hear God telling me that now is the time.  John 10:27 "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow me."  While it is definitely a cool sweet thing to feel God's leading in my life, it is not always the most comforting and easiest thing to FOLLOW His leading.  To be honest, I feel Him leading me to some pretty scary things right now...the first of which was quitting my job which includes giving up that job security, adult conversations, maintaining of my nursing license, financial perks, and basically just leaving behind a job I enjoyed and was pretty comfortable in.  In a very real sense I am also giving up a part of my identity that I have had my entire adult life.  BUT, with that said, I have the PEACE that I am FOLLOWING HIM....and I have no doubt that that is the BEST position to be in right now.

One week post-op

Hard to believe that a week has already gone by since her surgery.

Her swelling has gone down quite a bit and she is off the pain meds.

The sleeping situation around here is worse because everytime Meili makes a little squabble the oldest two kids don't tolerate that (mainly because they are so tired and sick of their sleep being disrupted) and start YELLING at us to come and attend to her...which then wakes EVERYONE in the house up.  Ahhh.....

The tubes in her nose are there to help her nose remain in the right shape while healing.  They will be there for 2 more weeks.
We have to clean her incision area 5 times a day and that is torture for her.  Bless her heart.

She is slowly but surely regaining her fun personality.  Her strong-will personality was not affected by surgery.

Bonding/Attachment stuff is going well....I am realizing that there is nothing FAST about adoption.  Everything about seems to be a test of endurance.  A test that I have never been good at.  But God is so good to be giving me enough umph to get through each day and a few glimpses of His goodness and the progress that bring hope.  Up until yesterday the "bond" had yet to noticably begin for Caleb and Meili.  And then I walked into the front room and found them relaxing and snuggling up on the couch.  Ahhh.  Thank you Lord for bonding our family....in Your time.

Well, we've been home for 6 weeks now.  I am so glad that I love to take pictures because otherwise it would be a blur.  It has definitely been the most amazing adventure in my life.  (and I've been on some pretty good ones.)  I have been thinking lately about how it has been so hard and exhausting in so many ways and yet I am more content and have more joy then ever.  I feel stronger in my walk with my Jesus then ever before. (although I do realize I have a long way to go.)  His grace lavished upon me to continually draw me closer and closer to Him have been the highlight of this adoption adventure.  Not only did He bring us one dynamic little precious chica to be in our family but He also has built up my faith in Him to the strongest point yet. (again, I have a LONG way to go.) I can actually say that I am so thankful for every hard moment we have had....because each one has brought me to Him.  While transitioning Meili into our family has not been easy, it HAS been good....very very good. 

God is my strength and He is my life.

I will serve Him all of my days.

My friends are home!

My friends are home now with their two Haitian kids....that, from this point on, I will just call their two youngest children.  Thank you so much for praying for them.  They are finally home sweet home with all four of their beautiful children...and now the transition begins....the transition I know full well that is challenging and wonderful and exhausting, and different for everyone.  Thanks for praying.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY for the great things He has done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

home sweet home.

We came home with Meili yesterday afternoon.  She is recovering nicely.  She had a rough night of sleep but that was expected.

I also wanted to let you know that my friends who are adopting those kids from Haiti left for Miami last night and will hopefully get their kids today or tomorrow.  Please keep them in your prayers as this has been a whirlwind for them. 

Before and After

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us today.

We felt your prayers in a BIG way.

Meili is doing well. 

We will hopefully be here at OHSU only one night.

All praise and glory to God.

Good Bye Cleft Lip....i'm going to miss you.

*A year ago Marc and I had to fill out the hardest piece of paperwork for our adoption.  It was the form that listed all of the "special needs" that we would be willing to knowingly accept in our adopted child.  I prayed and prayed over that sheet.  It was sooooooooo hard.  In the end, after much discussion with the Lord and my husband there was only one condition that Marc and I didn't agree on.  Cleft lip/palate.  Marc said a firm and confident "yes", I said "I just can't do it."  I KNEW in my heart that my reason was simple: vanity.  I knew my reason was wrong and yet I couldn't check that box having the reservations and fear that I had.  I knew I had to have perfect peace, that only God gives, on each condition I checked...and I wanted to to have it on this condition but I didn't.

*Fast forward four months (including one heart baby referral that didn't work out) and I felt like we needed to take another look at that form.  I asked God why I had to revisit that form b/c it was hard enough the first time.  But I couldn't get it off my mind that there was something I needed to add to that form.  I couldn't imagine what it was.

*Around that time a bilboard popped up on the freeway at the exit to my home.  The billboard had a GIGANTIC face of a baby on it with bilateral complete cleft lip....it was an add for Smile Train or something like that.  I looked at that face and I had to look away.  It was hard to look at.  The deformity was so big and so unattractive to me.  I really hate to say it...but I had to look away in disgust. That billboard was in a location that I couldn't get away from...I was forced to look at it over and over and over again....It was such an "issue" for me that I had to pray about it...."God", I said, "please help me....my heart is not right!  I know that is your child.  Help me to see them through your eyes."  And so I prayed..and prayed...and prayed. 
Over time, God changed my heart.  He cleaned out my yucky sinful thoughts and replaced them with His thoughts.  He said to me, "Jennifer, that IS my child and I don't make mistakes.  She is a beautiful beautiful girl in every way.  Her lip isn't ugly, it is just different from a lot of other people.  The world looks at her lip, I look at her heart.  Please love her like I love her...please be differnent from the world....these kids need love.  And besides Jennifer, you know you ain't no beauty queen yourself.  Should I remind you of your characteristics that the world sees as flaws?"  Oh humbling.

*It was at this point in the adoption journey that I began looking at blogs of other families that have adopted.  I came upon one of a girl that was about to be adopted...she had a repaired cleft lip.  Something about her caught my heart.  I thought to myself...look at her...she is a precious child of God......I thought she was beautiful....if my agency had asked ME to adopt her, would I say no?  I would have said yes...she is precious.! (yes Sue, this is your daughter I am talking about.)

*Then the unthinkable (to me) happened.  God gave me this intense desire to adopt a cleft lip/palate baby.  I wanted one.  I just had that amazing peace that that condition would be a perfect fit for our family.  I figured we probably wouldn't get one since we had so many other conditions also checked on that infamous form.

*Three days later our agency called with Meili's information.  She had a cleft lip and palate.  We accepted the referral.

*Fast forward to meeting Meili.  My first two thoughts about her when I saw her were: tiny and adorable.  Can't you see God in this?  He had totally changed my heart.  When I saw her I did not even see her lip...I just saw her beauty.

*The biggest surprise and challenge of travel in China was the terrible looks and comments of disgust that we frequently experienced that were directed to Meili and her lip.  We learned there, in a very real way, that a baby born with a cleft lip is a sign of a life of bad luck for the child and the family, a sign of shame.  We were encouraged multiple times to buy her a mask to cover up her face.  As you could imagine I could write a novel on this experience alone.  I will sum it up by saying that I have never felt such rage in my heart.  And then I was completely humbled as God reminded me of my thoughts of that billboard many months before.  God revealed Himself to me and comforted me in ways that I will NEVER forget and forever praise Him for.

*After one week with Meili, I started struggling with the thought of surgery.  Why?  Why would we ever let her have surgery?  I had to have an answer...I just couldn't do it b/c everyone expected us to.  And to me, there was NO reason to.  She was perfect...God made her lip the way it was and He didn't make mistakes and to me, it was perfect.  She was perfect.  One of the four most adorable kids in the world to me.  I couldn't put her through surgery without a reason.  I reluctantly shared these feelings with Marc.  He said he had been thinking the exact same thoughts.  I imagined the looks people would give me when I told them we weren't going to fix it.  I didn't care.  Finally after a few long weeks of processing all of this, seemingly out of the blue the reason TO DO surgery came to me....I think that SHE would want us to have it fixed for her.

*I wanted to hurry up and get the misery of the (unwanted by me) surgery over with and Marc wanted to delay it for a few months....when would we do it?  The surgeon's office called and there was only one opening within the next few months....January 19th. It seemed clear that was the time to do it.

And that brings us to tonight, the eve of her surgery.  Tomorrow at noon she will be going into the operating room for a four hour surgery to repair her cleft lip. 
People have asked if I am excited to have this surgery.  My answer is "no".  I know it must sound silly to say but I am going to miss her cleft lip.  It is her.  I think it is cute.  God has used it and this amazing amazing amazing little girl to change me for the better.  As you can see, her cleft lip has been a big deal for me. When God works on your heart and you can see and feel the transformation that only He can do, it's a big deal.

So tomorrow morning I am going to have to put on my big girl pants and go and do what I don't want to do but what I know I need to do.

Thank you God for all that you have taught me through my daughter's cleft lip.  Thank you for humbling me.  Thank you for helping me to see people more through your eyes.  Thank you for giving me the priviledge of calling Meili my daughter.  Thank you for being a God who doesn't make mistakes and made her perfectly in your image.  Thank you for making her sooooooooo beautiful on the inside and the outside.  What a gift she is to us, every piece of her.  Thank you for making our path to her clear.  If I could have picked any child to come home with us, I would pick her over and over again.  God, I praise you for her!!!!!!!!!  thank you.

Update on Haiti kids.....

Thanks so much to those of you who have been praying for my friends kids in Haiti.  They just got word this afternoon that humanitarian parole for orphaned Haitian children will be granted!!!!!!  This is HUGE and this means that these two beautiful children will be coming home to a wonderful home and forever family just down the street from me very soon.  My friends hope to know a better timeline by tomorrow but are thinking this is all going to happen really fast!  Here is a link to their blog: http://everydayisanadventure-anitao.blogspot.com/   . I'd encourage you to follow it so that you can continue to be informed on how to pray for them.  I will post more about them and how God is moving mountains to get these kids home when I can but I may be preoccupied a little bit with my Meili girl the next few days so I wanted to give you their blog to follow in the meantime!  GOD is sooooooooooo awesome!  Oh how I love Him!

Please Pray!

These two BEAUTIFUL children are in the process of being adopted by some of my dear friends.  These kids live in Haiti and while their orphanage was one of the few to survive the food is running out. 

Please join me in praying on their behalf.

Pray for our US government to issue them emergency humanitarian visas soon, like yesterday.  Of course there are many many details to pray for and I am trusting that you, especially my adoptive friends, will know how to pray for these two kids living in the disaster zone in Haiti and their adoptive parents and two sisters that are here waiting to go and get them.

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

James 5:16

To God be the glory.

Life in the Skipper home.....

Life is good.  Still challenging but good. 

Transition with Meili is two steps forward and one step back.

And that's a very good place to be.....progress is definitely being made and the daily challenges keep me on my knees in dependence of and surrender to my mighty God.

Here are a few of the "good moments" that we have been enjoying:

One of Marc's pet peeves with me is when I cut my nails in the house.And YET his daughter is cutting hers on his HEAD and he's still smiling....ah, the power of a girl with her daddy!

It had been 6 weeks of bathing my screaming daughter....disliking her bath would be an understatement.

And then this week I put Caleb in the bath and when I went in to check on him look who had jumped in with him!!!! Ah, I treasure and celebrate every breakthrough we have with her! 

As her personality emerges I am in AWE of how well she fits into our family.

I think that my favorite part is how she LOVES singing and dancing.....mainly because

Jorie ALSO loves to sing and dance and they LOVE to do this TOGETHER.

Thank you, Lord.

It was time to take Meili to see daddy at work.

The Skipper crew to the rescue!!!!!

There is a little boy in my house that since he has started talking has said that he wants to be a firefighter when he grows up.....can you guess who that is?

while the other 3 were playing on the fire trucks, look who was running around goofing off???  shocking.

not sure yet if the best part of visiting dad is the fire trucks or watching the disney channel in his room.

my first honest thought when I saw this picture was, "wow, that's a lot of kids."

ha.

I am loving watching Meili's relationships grow with each of the other kids.

While it is often ROCKY, there some really sweet moments that are happening.

Again, thank you, Lord.

Long story short is that Miss. Meili is having her cleft lip repaired on Tuesday (I'll try to write more on that later.) She won't be allowed to suck her thumb after surgery as it would interfere with the healing process of her scar and so we are now currently in the process of trying to wean her from sucking her thumb.  This has NOT been fun.  I feel like the progress she has made has taken many steps backwards in that she is more sad, angry, and NOT sleeping well again.  She's had these bandages on for 3 days now and as for the thumb sucking, they are working perfectly....she won't and can't suck her thumb anymore.  I think it has been hardest on Marc and I watching her grieve AGAIN the loss of something....this time the ONLY thing left that always brought her comfort.  It feels like just when things were really getting better and she was getting so much happier we set her back with this.  As you can see, it has been hard.  BUT necessary.  I am sure things will start getting better again just before we put her through surgery on Tuesday.....AGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!  When there have been the hardest moments I keep thinking about all the orphans and people in Haiti, and God reminds me that there are people that have it A LOT harder right now....and then I just start praying for them.

Knowing that God is in control,

He alone is sovereign,

and THIS picture

makes it all worth it.

My life verse these last couple of weeks has been

2 Timothy 2:4 "No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs-he wants to please his commnading officer."  If I claim that Jesus is my Lord then He alone is my commanding officer....does my life and thoughts and time reflect that?  With His help, I am working on it.

So many random thoughts........

Okay, I LOVE the title of my post today because "so many random thoughts" is what is my normal (my mind spinning out of control with thoughts and ideas) and I haven't had this kind of thinking since pre-China.  Once we got Meili it was ALL about her which was great and then when we got home the ONLY thoughts that were happening were ALL about survival.  Oh yeah baby, I'm back!  It feels sooooo good to have my brain functioning again.  Still tired and still challenges.....ha...but I'm sure that is something everyone would say.

Anyways, I want to HIGHLY recommend a book to you.  It's called "The Hole in our Gospel".  I am loving it.  Let me know if you are reading it because I want to know what you think....  I will probably be posting some qoutes on here in the days ahead but here's one for today:  "More and more, our view of the gospel has been narrowed to a simple transaction, marked by checking a box on a bingo card at some prayer breakfast, registering a decision for Christ, or coming forward during an altar call. ....we seem to have boiled it down to a kind of 'fire insurance' that one can buy.  Then, once the policy is in effect, the sinner can go back to whatever life he was living....  There is a real problem with this limited veiw of the kingdom of God; it is not the whole gospel,  instead, it's a gospel with a gaping hole.  First, focusing almost exlusively on the afterlife reduces the importance of what God expects of us in THIS life.  The kingdom of God, which Christ said is 'within you', was intended to change and challenge everything in our fallen world in the here and now.  It first requires that we repent of our own sinfulness and totally surrender our individual lives to follow Christ, but then we are also commanded to go into the world- to bear fruit by lifting up the poor and the marginalized, challenging the injustice wherever we find it, rejecting the worldly values found within every culture, and loving our neighbors as ourselves.  While our 'joining' in the coming kingdom of God may begin with a decision, a transaction, it requires so much more than that."

I love books like these that challenge people who say they are Christians (like me) with such strong statements b/c it forces me into the Word to see if I agree.  And as in this case, when I do think that this author is biblically correct then  I have some very hard questions to ask myself.  Am I lifting up the poor?  Am I challenging injustice wherever I find it?  Am I TOTALLY basing my life on God's values and not the worlds?  Am I truly loving my neighbor as myself?  Or have I cashed in my transaction and then living life based on what feels good/right?  I think that in my "season of life" it could be somewhat easy to convince the "world"  (including myself) around me why I don't have the time for any of those things. I hope I don't offend anybody but I have heard of lots of stay-at-home mom's say their only job is to care for their children.   But actually God is really putting on my heart the opposite.  Girlfriends, God's word, in it's entirety, is to US!...no matter how many kids we have, no matter how much laundry we have, no matter what our circumstances.  He is telling me that THIS IS the season to TOTALLY surrender myself to Him, it is what EVERY season should look like.  Yes, this season of my life DOES look different in a lot of ways.....ah, it is the season for no-time-for-makeup, messier-than-usual-house, not much time to be with friends, hibernating at home with my kids, etc.  BUT the season to surrender to Him is now!  He has called me to keep following Him...(long past the point of transaction).....period.  I can't seem to find anywhere in His word where He leaves exceptions for stay-at-home-mom's-of-4.....I have cashed in on my transaction and NOW He wants to use me to love on the poor, to challenge injustice, and to have my values line up with His.  Especially now.  It's all pretty easy for me to say, but harder, much harder to do.  I am not saying that I have achieved success at any level in all of this....my heart has a LONG way to go to be totally surrendered to Him (which then will give Him room to do these other things through me)....but I do want to keep reading these challenging books and keep digging hard into His word b/c that is how His Holy Spirit works to keep me accountable  to live the life that He has created me to live....ah, the most abundantly wonderful and hard life!  Thank you mighty Lord, for your Holy Spirit that is at work convicting me today!  Jet lag is over, no more excuses.

For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.

If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light.

It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work.  If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward.

If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himslef will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

I Corinthians 3

What does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6

witnessing another miracle......

Lot's on my mind about life at my home....probably because that's pretty much all I have been doing....which for now I am going to sum up by saying things at home are dramatically improving.  We still have many hard moments but they are getting less frequent and we are getting more seasoned at handling them.  Meili is so much fun and her personality is stinkin hilarious.  Anyway, I'll write more about us in the days to come....because right now I just wanted to share with you pictures from yesterday.  It was a beautiful way to start the new year....by witnessing another miralce....adoption is a miracle....in any and every way you look at it.  There is an enemy out there that DOES NOT want these beautiful children in our world to find love, to find a family to live with forever...to come into a family that passionately loves and lives for Jesus.....and therefore, any time a child becomes a part of a forever family, it is an act of God that has made it happen.  Yesterday I got to be in the audience watching the miracle happen, watching the mighty hand of God bring another family together.  What a treat!

Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name
welcomes me.

Matthew 18:5

introducing Miss. Zinea

and her beautiful sister, Miss. Zuri

meeting their big brother and sister...ahhhh....

Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him ...

his name is the LORD-and rejoice before him.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,

is God in his holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families,

he leads forth the prisoner with singing.

Psalm 68

As you start the new year and perhaps God continues to, or begins to, whisper the "a" word into your heart I just want to urge you to press into HIM and not shy away from it.  As I said before, the enemy doesn't want it to happen and as we read in the true Word of God, God DOES want to set the lonely in families...perhaps a family like YOURS.  I am not saying it's for everyone.  I am just saying that if you find that it's on your mind a lot....continue to seek Him.  Listen only to Him.  Recognize your fears as NOT being from Him.  If you want me to pray for you in this way, that you would know if God wants you to adopt, I would LOVE to!  If you are worried about the money part, stop it!  Our mighty God has ALL the money in His control and He will provide WHATEVER is needed to accomplish His plan.  Plus, I have a couple girlfriends (M&M) :) who would love to join with me and help you raise money. 

So, anyway, happy new year friends! 

May this year be a year that we each seek God and surrender our lives to Him more then ever before!

 To Him be ALL GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Colossians 3