JOY

There are times when I pray that I know the Spirit is praying through me and there are many times that I am not aware of this.  Last week I began praying in a way that I knew was from Him.  In the midst of my misery of waiting I asked the Lord to give me JOY in waiting....to give me JOY in this last brutal stage of the adoption process.  I knew it wasn't my idea to pray in that way because I really thought it was silly to pray for that because I could not even comprehend feeling JOY.  It felt like I was praying for the impossible.  However, that's what the Lord nudged me to pray for.  So, I did.

It was a couple days ago that I realized how He has changed my heart and I am now full of His JOY in this process.  Of course I want to be in China right now.  Of course I LONG to hold my baby.  But in the midst of it, I feel tremendous JOY.  I am even enjoying the wait right now (another thing I asked Him for).  Oh, and how I praise Him for that.  This JOY is His gift to me.  I KNOW that in the state I was in, I could have never manufactured the kind of feelings I am having right now.  If He hadn't brought me to my knees last week, I don't think that I would have seen it as it is from Him.  But now I KNOW it is!

I am again realizing how I am actually waiting on Him....and I know that He will never disappoint.  His plan and timing is perfect so I am so excited to see what that is!  As the days go by and the wait continues, it leaves me focused on Him and waiting.....It is a good place to be.  On my knees, waiting on Him!

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.

1 Peter 1:8