Another adoption journey begins.....

Shortly after we came home with Levi last fall, we entered into the hardest season of our lives thus far.  Within a couple of weeks time:  we began to get confirmation that Levi had some pretty serious developmental issues going on, a really good friend abruptly ended her friendship with us, we encountered some extremely hard challenges within our church family, my husband and daughter were losing their eyesight, I wrecked my car, and I discovered a lump in my breast.  It was seriously unreal.

I remember feeling like a gold fish that was about to die and just trying to suck in whatever oxygen I could manage to try to stay afloat.

And yet through the intense reality of drama and confusion and pain that we had to walk through, God's presence was equally strong and our marriage was strengthened a hundredfold. 

The words from God in Isaiah 43:2 were close to my heart during those weeks:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;  the flames will not set you ablaze.

God does not say "IF" you have to pass through those rough rivers, or "IF" you have to walk through the fire....No, He says, "When...".  It was indeed rough but He carried us through it and we have soo sooo soo much to give praise to Him for. 

Anyway, late in January we felt like we were finally coming through the fog of the hard previous few months and it felt GOOD to be able to breath a bit again.  I definitely felt like my relationship with the Lord had been tremendously strengthened and I came through all of that with a stronger resolve to follow Him.  And I noticed the same in my man.

It was at that exact same time that I started feeling like the Lord was telling us to adopt again.  And I could. not. believe. it.  Every time I thought that, I would quickly shove that feeling to the back of my brain and wonder if I might just be going cuckoo.  :)  And then one day....out of nowhere....Marc said to me, "I am afraid to tell you this, but I think God is telling me that we are suppose to adopt again."  I was like, "OH NO!  Me too!" We laughed and agreed that we must being going crazy.  Even though we knew....we knew...

Over the next few months we talked just a little bit about it and started gathering some info on what it would take to adopt again using our same dossier that we used with Levi.  I had much to discuss with the Lord about this adoption during that time.  I wondered why He didn't think that I needed MORE TIME to heal and recover and get REST since bringing Levi home....I wondered how in the world He thought we could manage one more child when we feel sooooooooooo maxed out in every way... I wondered how He was going to provide more money for the large amounts of FOOD that our family already consumes....etc.   And through it all, He kept telling me over and over again, "trust Me."  "trust Me."  "Go."

And then....on Easter Sunday....my husband said, "It is time.  We need to adopt now."  Woe.

I looked and looked over the files of kids....I prayed for God to show me the child that He has perfectly planned out for our family.  I began to doubt that we would adopt anytime soon...thought (and maybe secretly hoped) that it might be a couple years away......

And then, on May 6th, I found her.  We poured over her file, researched her medical conditions, sought the advice of doctors, prayed, discussed her with and sought the opinions of our other kids....and within a couple days, we were united and elated that she was indeed our daughter.

She is a beautiful little 3 1/2 year old girl (just 2 months younger than Levi). We are working at lightning speed to get our paperwork through all the hoops it has to go through so we can reuse our dossier that we used for Levi.  This will save us a couple months wait time and a few thousand dollars.  It will be very very close to beating that deadline, but we are trying. 

When I think about where I was 7-8 months ago and where I am now....I think of Psalm 30.  LOVE that Psalm.  For anyone reading this that is walking through the rivers and the fire right now;  be encouraged!  Lean hard into the Lord.  He hears your cry!  He is refining you!  And He LOVES you!  Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning!  He WILL turn your mourning into dancing! Trust!

Psalm 30

¹ I will exalt  you, Lord,
    for you lifted me out of the depths
    and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
² Lord my God, I called to you for help,
    and you healed me.
³ You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
    you spared me from going down to the pit. 

⁴ Sing  the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
    praise his holy name.
⁵ For his anger  lasts only a moment ,
    but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping  may stay for the night,
    but rejoicing comes in the morning. 

⁶ When I felt secure, I said,
    “I will never be shaken.”
⁷ Lord, when you favored me,
    you made my royal mountain  stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
    I was dismayed.

⁸ To you, Lord, I called;
    to the Lord I cried for mercy:
⁹ “What is gained if I am silenced,
    if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
    Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
¹⁰ Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
    Lord, be my help. ”

¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
    you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
¹² that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
    Lord my God, I will praise you forever.