is this really real?????

Well, the first few days were exciting after we got our referral....the day we had been waiting for. Then it all seemed not real. Like it was all imaginary. I had her picture and a few minute details of her health and A LOT of unanswered questions. I read over and over the little information I had and each time I finished reading through it I felt like I had more questions about her than answers. I began to wonder if she was even a real person. It was kinda a bizarre feeling. The weirdest part to me is that through all of it I continue to feel tremendous peace. I think that this peace comes first from the Lord and secondly from the fact that this little amount of info. is what every adoptive family gets and they usually end up with a baby in their hands at the end of the journey.

Yesterday morning we received an email from our agency listing quite a few complex pieces of paperwork that we now need to move forward with. Thankfully, my husband is going to take care of those. Those thousands of little details put me over the edge.

Then the agency encouraged us to make a photo album (little scrapbook) to send to our daughter introducing our faces to her. So, Marc and I stayed up late last night trying to decide which pictures to send. This project (which of course I LOVE) has helped it seem more real to me. To think of this sweet little girl getting pictures of "white" people (I wonder if she has ever seen people with blond hair????) makes me think of her as "real". I really don't know if I'll be convinced she is real until I am holding her in my arms. That's just how I am.

Making this scrapbook, in my mind, is actually just as much for Mya as it is for her foster-grandma who she is living with. I am praying for her and her heart as she has to let this baby go in a few months. I am hoping these pictures I send will help her with that process. In the scrapbook I am going to write a letter to both Mya and her foster-grandma. I know that Mya will not understand a word of it so it doesn't hold that much significance to me.....but her foster-grandma on the other hand will understand every word ( I am going to have it translated into Chinese) (which by the way, I think it is amazing that I have about 4 Chinese people on my mind that I could ask to translate for me. I see so clearly how God has been preparing us and building around us a Chinese support system.) These words to her are important to me.

We also asked our agency to try to obtain a few additional pieces of medical information for us....such as "Has her cleft lip been repaired yet?", current height and weight, etc. It sounds 50/50 as to if we will receive answers to our questions or not. we'll see.......

Last night as I was lying in bed I, for the first time, imagined the moment when I see her for the first time and take her into my arms. Just the thought of it was almost too much to bear. What an intense moment that will be. Those feelings definitely made it seem real.

Well, that's where we're at today. Every day seems to be a new adventure and we experience different emotions then the day before.